Tie The (k)not!

I still remember! That was

With not so heartily but somehow i convinced myself to agree with my parents. Are you thinking for what? Haha! I comprised to get engaged to the one whom my parents showed me. I had some disagreeing feeling like is he the man made for me? I was not happy getting engaged to him. Not only to him but i was not at all ready to get engaged to anyone! I was not mentally prepared! But kept shut my mouth, as there was no choice! Because I live in rural areas of India! Where at particular age, your surrounding expects you to get marry! Or else your parents are pointed by society for many questions! By looking all these i decided it would be better to get marry than leaving my parents to answer these critics! I shared all these with my best friend, she also had no words than “DON’T WORRY”!

As I’m fashion designer, I designed my own dress. It was golden color lehenga. Even if i was not happy, but craze of designing made me complete one dress in 10 hours, that’s from 7 pm to  5 am. Me and ma mamma did not sleep, whole night we were stitching, mamma as she was so happy for me! Me as craze of designing! My uncles and aunts came my home in the morning, on 27th January, that was my engagement day! Everyone was praising for my dress. Even i was happy at that moment, i’m still not sure whether i was happy for that ceremony or just because i was looking pretty awesome! However, I had smile on my face.

My parents and my uncles were just busy in pre-engagement ceremony, preparing food, decorating home, looking over seating arrangements for breakfast and lunch for guests. I got freshen up, wore my lehenga, when i came in front of my mamma she had tears of happiness in her eyes and my aunt whispered “Masha-Allah”. Even i was happy, because all others were happy. My best friend and my neighbors came home along with their family. It was somewhat, 11 pm when bridegroom and his family members came my home. I was so scared. Even now, while typing my heart is beating so fastly, my eyes are wet. On that day, i told with my friend that, “Muje ajeebsa darr lag raha hai, jaise kuch galat ho raha hai “. She replied me, “Don’t worry, nothing will be wrong!”

When bridegroom’s sisters and in-laws, his mamma came near to me, all other (my sissy, my friend, neighbor) none was there near to me. I was scared a lot. A single voice came from the crowd, “Masha Allah”. I felt little comfortable! Then my uncle came there and asked them to have breakfast and told me to take them with me to have breakfast. There i saw Bridegroom was standing. I had no expression on my face as it was arranged marriage, i had no feelings towards him/his family members. I sat with his family member and finished my breakfast too.

Then the actual engagement ceremony has began.It was almost 1 pm. They started whispering with one another and unfortunately, I heard one of them. She was telling, “Sunathaa ladki choti hai [I heard that girl is short!]”. I looked at them, they had lot of questions on their face. I had no idea of their intention, even now! One lady came to me asked “did u wear heels?” I said “yes!” and being so bubbly, by smiling i showed her how heel it was! I truly had no idea, what they thought, i was being so friendly, because, it was those days, was just going to college, mingling with friends, my life was so different than being a bride.

Bridegroom’s sister started telling “Poori janam chaubees gante chappal pehenke toh nahi rahegi na”.  I was just blank, my eyes were eagerly searching my sissy, my friend or any of my family member! But i find any of them nearby! Even after saying these sentences, they started clicking my photos with bridegroom’s sister. They wanted me to smile to their photos even after by making me hear these rude sentences. Eventually, i failed to smile at one moment and they found a drop of tear on my cheek. Truly, i couldn’t resist my feelings! Truly I couldn’t!

And by looking at a drop of tear, they started telling “Might be she is not happy, we think she dint like our bridegroom, so she might be crying etc”. I felt like darkness has covered my eyes! A drop of tear became a big issue! All my family members went and started talking bridegroom’s family members. I was sitting far away from them with my sissy. One lady came and told me to wear saree (Indian traditional wear). Me and my sissy went to our room, to dress up again. My friend and neighbor came followed us!

When i came out of my room, bridegroom’s family members where standing out of my home! I was so shocked! Even i agreed to my parents to get marry of their choice, I dint agree to break up on engagement ceremony itself! I dint compromise for this kind of shame which they did to me! I’m not a toy that anyone can come and do such arrangement, invite my friends and my family members, neighbors and can go without getting engaged! I have not given permission to anyone to break my feelings!

My sissy and my friend told me that, bridegroom was convincing his parents not to do! Not to leave a girl like this! He was telling them it seems, it wouldn’t be right to do so!
But he couldn’t stop them from doing these nonsense! I was standing near my window, behind the curtain and watching everything! They seated in their cars and ……

I saw my mamma turning and coming inside the home. I truly couldn’t see her her. All my pain was visible on her, her face was mirror of my soul.Her eyes where filled, lips were shivering! I saw her broken for the first time in 23years! I went to her, hugged her so tight because i had no courage to see her face and told her “Almighty has decided everything Don’t worry mamma”. Ma and my uncle also hugged me back, told me “be like this kiddo”.

Even if i act like being courageous outside, I was totally broken inside! Phone calls started  with bunch of questions! Like Why? what happened? Did she say anything wrong to them?  Did said something rudely? Is she having head weight of being double graduate! and many more! It has became a black dot on her life, what will be her future now, who will marry her? I was hearing all these sitting there silently.

There was total silence in my home! In the night I asked my uncle, “Uncle, do you think its a big black dot on my future? Why this happened with me? What was my fault? What will be my future now?” He hugged me and replied, “Beta, if you ask like this, what do i say, i have answers to your questions, when I’m seeing you from day you were born! I carried you in my hands, now you are 23 years old, we have seen and been with you each and every moment, if you ask me like this what do I do, But remember one thing that, the food which they had today in our house was theirs, so almighty has sent them to our home, dont worry, we all still love you and we will forever!”

Those words strengthened me! Prayers to my parents! You are such gems that only ocean can have! that’s me! strongest inside! For you Mr. Engagement guy you are nothing in front of me, my life didn’t stop! Thanks to you for making me realize, how strong I’m in real.

Today 25th July, 2016, its been nearly two and a half years! and I’m a wife of a human being! Whom he never cared for my physical appearance, My dresses never change his feelings for me! I’m so lucky for what happened  on 27th January, 2014, if i got engaged i wouldn’t have married to a man, whom i have married now! Love you Hubby! For being reality of my dreams! Once again Love you Hubby!

Writer: breathmath